Wednesday, September 21, 2011

10 Things You Never Wanted to Know About Me

1. I don't eat anything that swims. This includes sea food. Don't tell me that shrimp doesn't taste like fish. I won't eat it.

2. I will always switch lanes if I'm behind a vehicle with loose items in the back. I do not wish to be impaled through my windshield at 55 mph.

3. I love reality shows on MTV. Real World? Yes. True Life? You bet. Teen Mom? Double yes. I don't care that I am now twice the age of their target audience.

4. I am addicted to Facebook. I'm a total creep. And if you leave your profile public, you better believe I am keeping track of you.

5. I have never seen a Star Wars, Harry Potter, or Twilight movie. Don't try to convince me that I will like them. I won't. Sue me.

6. I brush my teeth with scalding hot water because I think I'm killing more germs that way. I'm probably not.

7. I have an English degree so people assume I can spell. Wrong. That's what spellcheck is for.

8. I am still paying for said degree and have yet to actually use it for anything other than blogging. For free. Using incomplete sentences, ALL CAPS, and poor grammar none the less.

9. I am an excellent cook. Provided there is a box containing all necessary ingredients and directions.

10. Caffeine makes me talk really fast.

Friday, September 9, 2011


Quiz speaks his own language, one in which my husband and I are fluent. But others often require translations. We're thinking of making our own version of Rosetta Stone or perhaps a Quiz to English dictionary.

Here's a short list of our favorite Quiz-isms.

Wado = water
Fwoot Ninja = Fruit Ninja
Neat Thins = Wheat Thins
Socko = soccer
Bajamas = pajamas
Cwistie= Christie (I was City until he was 4, so he's making progress)
Fasto= Faster
Twansfomas = Transformers

First Wife texted me last night and said she was worried about his speech impediment since she assumed it would clear up by now. They were practicing counting, and she had a hard time understanding a lot of what he was saying.

The L's and Th's are still hard for him, but he can say them if he really concentrates and slows down. The R's on the other hand, just aren't happening. He's not able to say that sound at all and only gets frustrated (fwustwaited) when he tries.

I seem to remember a conversation with his preschool teacher who said not to worry until he's 8. So, until some professional tells me otherwise, I just enjoy the cuteness.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Wife Swap

I often feel like I'm on an episode of Wife Swap. You know, when some rich woman from the suburbs swaps lives with a woman on a farm who lets chickens roam around freely in her house? Yeah that's my life. Except i was never rich, and livestock isn't involved. But essentially, I was thrown into the middle of someone else's family and forced to follow their rules.

And just like on the show, when it's time to try things my way, everyone drags their feet and insists their real mom does it better.

In the end, everyone gets together and agrees a middle ground is the best way. Or they scream at each other, and everyone walks away unchanged and even more solid in their beliefs. It can go either way.

Most people say that parenting is nothing like they imagined it would be. That goes double for me, I think. There are so many things I'd do differently if I could. But my hands are tied, and in this case there is no swapping back.

So, I just have to learn to live with the figurative free-range chickens.