Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Domestic Enemies of the Stepmom

Rants from Mommyland is running my post today. These girls are awesome! I'm glad that English degree I'm still paying for is finally paying off. Wait, I do this for free?! Oh well, still counts. :)



  1. I am glad I came across your blog! It is so nice to find another mommy out here with a similar situation. :) I just started blogging a month or so ago and have shared that story yet but pending the hubs and #1's appoval i will :) Best of luck on your blog and i cant wait to see what you have in store!

  2. Thank you. I have no idea what I am doing most of the time (in life and in blogging!) but it's fun so far.

  3. thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!!!! I was in tears reading some of your posts - they are so true!!! My husband has primary custody, so I jumped into the deep end knowingly. Mother is in picture and certifiable, but I tell myself that the kids will ( or to some extent, already have ) figure out what kind of person each of us are and they will see that we weren't so mean, uncool or unfun. Rules are there for a reason!
    I will look forward to hearing how you deal with your 10-year old. Puberty is driving me bonkers!!! I also wonder if you ever have the worry of not being able to say certain things, because they aren't " yours ". Keep on keepin' it real!!!

  4. Thank you so much for posting this! I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 30. I met him when i was 20 and he was 27. within a week of meeting him, i had a feeling that he was going to be a huge part of my life. we were dating for a few months before the woman with whom he previously had had a very complicated, unsteady relationship told him she was pregnant. the conception took place during what i thought was our exclusive relationship. whether it's because i loved him already or i was just naive, i decided to stay with him. the next year proved to be the most challenging and heart breaking time of my life. From hate mail from the mother to be and her family, to rebuilding trust and learning how to forgive my boyfriend, to supporting him in his unexpected fatherhood, there were a lot of tears, fights, compromises and meltdowns. regardless, I couldn't get rid of the feeling that he and i had the potential to be something wonderful.

    Now, i have been living with my boyfriend for 2 years and we'll be celebrating our 3 years together this fall. I feel we have the relationship that i saw potential for. Though we had to struggle for it, the trust has been restored, we communicate and work together. I consider him my partner, teammate and bestfriend. his beautiful son is 2 years old and brings me so much joy. He may not be my son, but he is my family and i can't imagine not being able to watch that little boy grow. His mother and i aren't best friends but we have reached a place of respect for each other. I appreciate your article and your blog so much. I struggle often with finding my role as a step-parent without actually being a step parent because we're not married. the little man calls for me in the middle of the night, he cuddles up on my lap, lights up as much as i do when we see each other...he is as much a part of my heart and my life as any other member of my family. I struggle with the duality of being asked to love him as my own (the easy part) yet can't cross any invisible boundaries. I may parent, but i'm not actually a parent, nor am i legally recognized as a step parent. i can't call him my step son in public less i seem like a crazy, overzealous girlfriend. imagine this conversation: " my step son does/did/said ___" "oh when did you get married?" "i didn't." people start to think of me as the kind that has a wedding dress in my closet and reserved a venue "just in case". and yet calling him "my boyfriend's son" feels wrong because he is so much more than just my boyfriend's son." I feel like my boyfriend and i have the honest and open relationship that promises the same stability and security that my parents gave me but becasue we aren't married, the "fear" hits me at two levels. one for the reasons you mention and two, legally, i have no legitimate ties to the man and child that i love so much.