Thursday, July 21, 2011

Things I Should Stay Out Of

The list of Things I Should Stay Out Of continues to grow and now includes school registration.

I have a hard time giving up control of anything, but as a stepmom I am forced to. Except really, I have no control to give up in the first place.

School registration is today. As in TODAY. This day. The one happening right now.

This is not something I can handle being that I am "just" their stepmom. But First Wife doesn't seem very concerned that she hasn't received a registration packet in the mail.

I also have questions regarding the bus routes. The middle school says Minnie can't ride a bus because we are only a mile and a half away from the school, and you must live at least 2 miles away to qualify for bus transportation.

Really? The school thinks having an 11 year old walk a mile and a half unsupervised and in all kinds of Iowa weather is a good idea? Am I being overprotective here? Maybe. But I'd like to at least try to get her on a bus route. I'd like to argue my point with SOMEONE. There has to be a way around this. We live a few blocks from an elementary school. Can't she just catch a bus there?

My point is that I can't call anyone. I am not a parent (except when it comes to doing their laundry, driving them to their activities, or taking care of them when they're sick) but anyway...

The other issue is Minnie's last name. I've mentioned before that we are trying to get it legally changed to the name that I, my husband, Quiz AND First Wife share. Even though she's used our last name since she was barely a year old, the middle school is insisting she use the name on her birth certificate. Keep in mind this is the same school district that has let her register using our name for the past 6 years.

So, my husband and First Wife both agreed that this needs to get taken care of, once and for all. But the paperwork to change her name needs to be filled out and filed, and First Wife isn't exactly known for her timely response to these types of things.

Once again, my hands are tied. I can't go down to the courthouse and get the process started. And in this case, neither can my husband. And seeing that there is a waiting period for a new birth certificate even after the paperwork is filed and that registration is TODAY (did I mention that it's today? Because it is.), looks like Minnie will have to register with a different last name than she's ever used.

Getting in the middle of all this and nagging my husband for answers only causes fights. And I, being the control freak that I am, just need to get it through my thick skull that I'm better off staying out of it.

So to recap, the list of Things I Should Stay Out Of now includes registration, bus transportation, and the process of changing Minnie's name. Maybe I should make some type of spreadsheet to keep track of this growing list.

But everything will eventually work itself out, right? Even without me butting in?


  1. Just found your blog from your RFML post (which was GREAT by the way!) and am looking forward to more posts. I am becoming an official stepmom to a 10yo in December and an un-official stepmom to his 13yo stepson from previous marriage as well. I understand the Schedule far too well. Fortunately and unfortunately, the 13yo is with his dad the same weekends that the 10yo is with us, so we only get to see 13yo at sporting and special events. Trying to figure out a once a week thing at least. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I also came over here from RFML, and I'm glad to finally see our section of Mommyland represented. Keep up the good work!

  3. I came over from RFML too. I'm not a step mom, but I loved your post and your blog is great too!

  4. Wow, actual people on my blog! Thanks to Mommyland, couldn't have done it without you!

    And thanks for all the support. I have a hard time fitting in with "real moms". I always end up feeling like an outsider. My whole point of starting this blog was just to show that I am a parent, period.


  5. You are my new hero. I am a "real mom" and a step-mom..... And I wish I had your outlook and attitude.

    I plan to learn a lot from you.

    Much love from Canada.

  6. I'm not a stepmom but I have one (and my husband is stepfather to our oldest). I also found you at RFML.

    Just out of curiosity (nosiness?), why is it you can't handle anything? Is that the agreement between your husband and First Wife? My stepmom was the one who took care of everything for me. If it were up to my dad, well, it would never have gotten done.

  7. I handle a lot of logistical things. Swim lessons, soccer, the basic schedule, etc. But legal/medical things I leave up to their mom. We have no legal rights to Minnie since she is not biologically related to either my husband or me. So that complicates things a little as well.

  8. Here is what I have learned in the last 12 years. If hubby and the ex both agree something needs to change, they will do it. They won't speak to each other, but somehow it gets done. If I feel strongly, I push. Sometimes softly, sometimes not so much. If your hubby isn't legally able to take the reins for Minnie, especially on this subject, it's a waiting game until mom decides it's important enough. Yay.