You know you're a mom when...

vomit sends you into action, not a frozen stupor.

Not ten full minutes into the kids' first swim lesson, and...disaster. A little boy threw up. In. The. Pool.

Ok, yuck. I agree puke is never fun, but all four teenage lifeguards FROZE. I'm talking deer in the headlights. No one moved. Finally one of them had the bright idea to get the kids out of the pool. Duh! Then, they all got suited up in their haz mat suits to get it cleaned up. One lifeguard held a bag out as far from his body as he could while another one (with gloves up to his WRISTS) used the skimmer to chase down the rest of the mess.

The whole thing was rather entertaining. 1. Because it was a VERY small amount of vomit in the first place, and most of it was on the side of the pool, not in the water and 2. Because it was very clear that none of these lifeguards had ever cleaned up vomit in their lives, let alone been puked ON.

So here are my rules for body fluid emergencies, for teenage babysitters/life guards/Target employees. Just for future reference.

1. Remove the child/ children from the area. Immediately. There is no negotiating this one.
2. Do not panic and freeze.
3. Do not scream and scare the poor child. He's having a bad enough day. He did just throw up, after all.
4. Clean up the aformentioned mess, and realize that this is a good reason to go to college to get a better job AND an even better reason to wait til you're 30 to have children.

I remember very clearly the first time I had concrete evidence of unconditional love. It was 3 am, and I was pulling vomit covered sheets off Quiz's bed when he threw up again. On my arm.

Gross.

But he was so scared and sick and looked so pathetic, that I didn't even react. I picked him up, set him in front of the toilet and rubbed his back while he finished throwing up.

Then, I washed my arm.

THAT is love. And that is being a parent.