Thursday, July 28, 2011

Oh Baby!

To conceive or not to conceive, that is the question.

There are about 4,012 reasons for us not to have more kids. Not the least of which is that my body doesn't seem to want to. Apparently, my uterus is as stubborn as I am. Who knew? But here are a few others.

1. We have 2 perfectly good kids. One boy, one girl. It's the family people spend years and 10s of thousands of dollars to get if they have to.

2. The kids are at a really good stage right now. Potty trained, relatively easy to entertain, independent. Why oh why would we want to start over? Diapers, up-all-nights and chasing a toddler are all well behind us.

3. The kids are already 5 1/2 and just about 11. Which means there would be a pretty significant gap between the stepmonkeys and any new kids. I said from the beginning that I didn't want them to be so far apart in age that it looks like my husband has 2 different "sets" of kids. I just wanted them all to blend together.

4. We have an every-other-day schedule. Perfect if you ask me. Don't get me wrong, I'd take those kids full time if it was an option. But it isn't, so let's focus on the positives of this arrangement. (I think this calls for sub categories)
a. My husband and I have time to ourselves.
b. If we'd like to travel, we have built-in arrangements for the kids.
c. Every other weekend, I have time to catch up on daytime courtroom dramas saved on my DVR cleaning and laundry.

In short, we have it good. And yet...

I want a baby. In fact, it's more than that. It's all I think about. I've been pregnant, and I can't get that feeling out of my head. To love someone who
you've never even seen or felt is just something that can't be duplicated.

So here we are. 4,012 reason why we should just give up and only one reason to keep trying.

And that one reason is all I need.


  1. We are in the same boat (as you know) and the questions haunts me daily. It is comforting to know that we can "vent" our frustrations with someone who understands completely! Right now I just keep reminding myself God has a plan. I may not always enjoy it, but I ALWAYS make it through. I'm here for you!

  2. It's amazing how similar our situations are. Mine are 11 and 6 both boys. I've never "physically" had my own kid, and I think we might like to have kids more than 48 hours at a time every other weekend. However, like you said the drawbacks are immense, Especially when I have a weekend with the kids where they act like little hellions and I can't wait for them to go back to their mother's. But to have a child that my husband and I put together and to be able to use our discipline every single day could be pretty cool. I probably could add to your 4,012 reasons, but like you I only need one to physically have my own. ( I say physically because I feel like a partial mom to my kiddos. It's just so hard to feel that connection when we have so little time together).

  3. I am in the exact same situation:-( The two best stepkids, an 11 yr girl, and 9 yr old boy. They get their own breakfast on Saturdays! I have guaranteed date night every other weekend when they are at their Mom's. I married my husband thinking we would only have them. We re-thought it and have been trying for a year and a half:( I got pregnant finally and then miscarried. Very devastating. I know I'm lucky with the family I have and if it works out that way, I will be eternally grateful to have the two best kids ever. It would be nice to see what a kid we have looks like though...Thanks for the post and knowing I am not alone.

  4. Hello! My husband has sole custody of his children (17,16,15) from his first marriage....we have been married 6 years this Oct. We had two (5 & 3) together. I love all of my children and would go through fire for every one of them. But the bond you have with your own is different. Like you said to love someone you've never met.... So, that one reason does outway all of the other reasons not too. Good Luck and I hope you have a great weekend.

  5. Good luck!
    I am in a similar situation...we have my daughter (14) full time and my son (technically his son (10)) 3 weekends out of every 4 and for the past year we have been desparately trying to have OUR baby...FX to both of us :)