We are going camping this weekend.
Who ever decided this was a fun activity? Let's pack up all our crap, drive into the woods and spend a weekend with 2 monkeys who are covered in dirt, lake water, and bug spray. Then, to celebrate our survival, let's sleep on the ground!
Not my idea of a good time, but it involves beer and marshmallows so I suck it up and do it once a year.
This year, our little adventure conflicts with Minnie's Girl Scout camping trip. And she would rather hang out with her friends than us.
So it begins. It's hard enough to share her with her mom. But more and more lately, we are having to share her with her friends too.
As the years go by, (so fast! I don't think anyone ever warned me how FAST kids grow up. I need to know these things! Don't save all your parenting pearls of wisdom for moms of newborns!) Minnie is going to have a lot of choices. I'm guessing there comes a time, more than likely once she can drive, that she's going to have the option of which house she spends her time in.
We live by The Schedule. But how long does that last? I can't see telling a teenager "No. You have to come over here. It's OUR night!"
I don't want her to always take the easy route though. I hope she doesn't just choose to stay with whichever parent she hates the least on any given day. She really has the opportunity to manipulate this system in the future. Mad at Mom? Just go to Dad's. Dad says you're grounded? Right back to Mom's.
So, for now we just stick to The Schedule. Don't like our rules? Tough. It's our night and you have to deal with us.
Don't want to go camping with us? Too bad. Because we like spending time with you, and the years that we have left to make your decisions for you are slipping by quickly.
So Minnie, pack up your sleeping bag and your little tween attitude, cuz we're taking this show on the road!
This is really my greatest fear. Although we try to maintain a good relationship with BioMom, it's not great. She does resent both of us and isn't careful about not Dad-bashing or Em-bashing in front of the kid. (She actually told him that when I have my new baby we won't want him anymore!!)
ReplyDeleteMy absolute greatest fear is that he will turn 12 (that's the age kids can legally decide for themselves which parent they'd rather live with) and, since Mom is the "cool parent" who doesn't ever put him in time out, he'll decide to stay with her.
I love your blog. I've been feeling like stepmoms are greatly under-represented in the online community - unless it's the biomoms talking about how the stepmoms are ruining EVERYTHING. hehe
And I love your relationship with First Wife and (although I'm sure it takes a LOT of work, and doesn't always go smoothly) that you're able to maintain it for the kids. It's something that I strive for.
The relationship I have with First Wife is not all sunshine and rainbows, believe me! We've had our share of ups and downs over the past four years. But we've figured out it's easier to deal with each other directly than to have my husband as an intermediary.
ReplyDeleteWe go to all the school functions together and even had a joint baptism party for Quiz.
Minnie once asked me why I wasn't friends with her mom, and that really hit me. At the time she was 8 and had noticed the stress. What good does that do anyone?
So, we while we may never go out to coffee or become bffs, we work together for the kids.
Of course, it isn't always a smooth ride. But we try. And that's the point.