Do you know how I know I am a real parent? Because I feel completely taken for granted. If I was one of those stepmoms who wanted nothing to do with the kids, then everything I did for them would be noticed.
But my husband and the kids just assume I will always be around to take care of them, so why bother to acknowledge or say thank you, right?
I guess this is a good thing. I don't want the kids to feel like they have to earn my love or be afraid that I will leave someday. But...
I constantly feel inadequate, like I'm the wrong person for this job. Someone else would do it better. Someone else would keep up with the laundry and always have a clean house. Someone else would never get frustrated helping with homework. Someone else wouldn't say no so often. The list goes on and on.
Bottom line: someone else is better suited to raise these kids.
But here I am. I am who they ended up with. And I'm trying. And when I get something right, I'd just like some sort of reassurance that I'm headed in the right direction. Any kind of sign that I'm not doing more harm than good.
Is that too much to ask?
There is no one else better suited to mother those children than you. You know why? Because you love them, you care for them, and they ARE yours, even if you do have to share them. Who cares if your house doesn't look perfect? Did you enter a house-keeping contest? When those kids look back on their childhood, what are they going to remember? I know what I remember: my step-mother was at every school play, every sports meet, every parent teacher conference. I remember my step-mother PARENTING me, even if I didn't like it at the time. I remember her staying up for me when I was on dates, and fighting for me to take art in high school because that's what I wanted, even though my dad thought I should continue with music, because "art will never take her anywhere." Don't beat yourself up for the little things - LOVE those kids and you will see your reward, even if they don't say thank you now. They will!
ReplyDeleteStep mommy or not, 99% of the time we cannot keep up on everything. And husbands and children will always take us for granted. That truly is Mommyhood. Welcome to the club!
ReplyDeleteTake right now, I should be vacuuming the floors and my soon to be college student is asking when are we going to Best Buy for his computer? Yet here I sit, reading my blogs to see who has posted so far today.
Do what you want, you wont get an appreciation anyway, that's what I figure.
Ok gotta go, dont want my son to have a strokw before I send him off to college Monday.....
The someone else that you are talking about is on uppers and/or a sociopath. Stop beating yourself up and remember, we only take those we love the most for granted. Sad, but true.
ReplyDeleteAmen to all of the above comments, from a fellow self-doubter!
ReplyDeleteThose feelings come from parenting...I have 1 child I gave birth to and 1 that I didn't and I feel the same about both...Isn't is GREAT???
ReplyDeleteShannon